Place & date of birth: Sheffield, 15th August 1979
Marital Status: looking for love, will settle for sex
Children: One, to the best of my knowledge
Family links with cricket: Your weasel-like 1st team captain
Fields Debut: 1997
Batting Type: Different
Bowling Type: Right arm pies
Highest Fields Score: 75
Best Fields Bowling: 4-68
Nicknames: unrepeatable
Best cricketing moments: tea time
Most embarrassing cricketing moment: too many to mention
Cricketing idols: Prefer Pop Idol, cuter birds
Best advice to give to youngsters: Don’t wipe your arse with a hedgehog
Biggest influence on career: The weather
Favourite Ground: Stapleton- its tiny
Least Favourite Ground: lots of places
Best banter: “Cu**o in the red cap, f**k off”
Worst banter: Most things Sileby players say
Worst dresser: Richard James (Sileby Groundsman)
Most vain: That would be me.
Talks a good game: that would probably also be me
Most excuses: Me again
Biggest moaner: Victor Meldrew
If you could be someone else for a day, who: A giraffe, so I could look out for supermodels taking topless helicopter lessons.